hail the conquering hero!

HELLO BLOGGING WORLD! guess what time it is? (don't look at the what time this was posted thing either. guess) wrong! it's six bloody thirty in the morning! you must be thinking "Kate, why are you up so early on a long weekend?" Answer, I'm not. because "being up" implies that i woke up this early. I've been awake since 10:30 thanksgiving morning. From midnight till 6 a.m. i was working Black Friday at Things Remembered at my mall. you can feel sorry for me now.

Allow me to explain this experience to you (while i'm still exhausted and it'll probably sound funnier than when i'm sleep sober!)
First, i drive up the parking lot. and there are a BUNCH of people. Two lines waiting to get in at midnight. So I creep around to the employee entrance and a security guard says "Who are you with?"
Me: "uh. . . Things Remembered."
Security Guard: "Who's your manager?"
Me: " uh . . . . Sarah Campbell."
Security Guard: "ok." *opens door and lets me pass.*
My thoughts: What the heck? Is it that bad that I have to have a secret code to get in here. what kind of people sneak into the mall on black friday. (crazy people that's who). Turns out mall employee's let their families in early. Cheaters.
So I helped my boss open the store (my feet smell really bad! thought you'd like to know that. I just realized that as I was typing.) the store is quiet and peaceful. and then.
midnight.
there is a sudden rumbling sound coming from the direction of the entrances.
It's begun.
The best way I can explain this is with a video. 

Sarah and I decided that this is what the zombie apocalypse was going to look like. (I like how i go back and forth from being too lazy to capitalize my I's. next i'll give up on spelling.)

So people shopped and were crazy and then when i had to pee around 2 a.m. from my Monster energy drink! i saw the Hollister store. You know those really sexy Hollister models on the bags that are sucking face with the other attractive models. Yeah, they were standing outside the doors in shorts and nothing else. Huge pecks, yummy biceps, perfect abs. (The more tired i got the more attractive they became.) it was rather degrading to think that this is what our society has come too. But from a store that literally has two people making out on their bags, I can't say i'm surprised.

And. . . . that's all i remember. there was a lot of Monster going around and a lot of peeing, cause my bladder is the size of a pea when it comes to caffeine. BED TIME NOW! if i can. that second Monster hasn't exactly worn off yet. which is why I'm writing this blog post. . . I'm really dumb guys.

don't go shopping on Black Friday. It's dumb and all the employee's secretly hate you. the only shoppers i love are my friend Angela, Chandler, Erica, and Kaylynn. For coming to the mall at 12:30 to make my day a little brighter. I love you guys!

Some considerable time later.

Once upon a time I got a job! HORRAY!! I now work at Things Remembered in the South Towne Mall. yay! I can engrave wonderful things. Mom (i know you'll read this eventually) your Christmas present is going to be awesome!

Also I have birthday money still. Guess what I'm getting.
This. 
If you don't get it, don't try to. Point is its awesome. Thanks Emily for introducing me to the awesomeness of geeky t-shirts! We convinced Katherine Ellis to join the Wheel of Time cult. I'm so excited.

In other news my new book from Australia has arrived. Further proof that I am in fact  a HUGE geek. I guess I can't be angry with my brother for describing me as so on his mission. C'est la vie. I'm cooler than the average geek. Not sure why, but I am.

Not sure why I'm even posting today. I'm so BORED! i don't know if I have work today or when this week. . . .And my boss won't tell me. Downside of living with your boss I guess. Wow that could be kinky! Good thing she's a girl. . . . Kinkier. Well there are no relations between me and my boss. She lives in my basement. She's like a Goblin or something. A really funny, crude, Bones obsessed Goblin that I love! Even if she pisses me of when I'm PMSing.

It's a hot chocolate/D.I. kind of day!
TO THE PANSIE MOBILE!

*insert clever title name here*

Guys! Guess what I learned today! not only did somone in Maldova read my blog, but I have 18 page views in Russia! that's right, Russia! So to my dear Russian reader(s).я тебя люблю That's I love you in Russian. At least according to Google Translate. I apologize if I am wrong Russian viewers. If you're Russian and reading this, you should follow my blog and comment on your awesome life as a Russian in the feedback. I'd be super excited to hear about it!

In other news, I'm a legal adult now. So any older men that want to. . . never mind. Suffice it to say I'm not jail-bait anymore! and lemme tell ya, it was the best birthday ever! who doesn't want a surprise party with an Audrey Hepburn theme? losers, that's who!

So, it's been a while since I blogged. You know what that means?

Ok that little picture took a lot longer than it should have. oh well! its cute!

What shall we do it on? lets see! Let's talk about pet peeves.

I'm a usually very laid back person. not a lot of things really drive me totally crazy, but the few that do are highly irrational and have no business being in my brain.
1. I hate it when people don't signal. I don't sometimes either, but when you're on a busy street with lots of people its just courteous   (and legal!) to signal. Its really funny when people signal left then suddenly go right, i mean really? WTF?

2. You know on the microwave when you take something out before the timer rings and it goes "please press start. please press start. please press start." on and on? I hate that. More than anything else in the whole world! ask my mother she'll tell you. I can't handle it! how hard is it to press clear so people rushing out the door to school can look at the microwave to check the time without seeing those stupid words! This makes me QUITE PEEVED!

3. . . . i can't really think of a third one. i'm pretty laid back and calm. OH! stupid people. but they don't bug me so much as they amuse me. It's wonderful. they just make you feel smart don't they? 

PAYBACK TIME

First off, a message to Kate.

You have a couple of unpublished posts that seem finished, is that intentional?

Also, I changed your post editor to the new version, because I was quite peeved with the old one. 

Second. 

I miss you. 

All of you.

Thirdly.

I don't really have anything to say except

SUCK ON THAT!!!

(also, my teeth are like... ridiculously white in that photo... weird)

Remember Remember

It's the fifth of november. well the sixth now. But who cares?!

My friends are the greatest! Best surprise party ever! I love them all. I will post pictures soon (seeing as how its 1 a.m., or 12 if you're going to start day light savings, and the only reason i'm not in bed is that i can't find my book.)

I just had to share this with the world. (or all seven of my followers)

Fmylife.com

Today, I turned in an overdue English assignment at college. My instructor accused me of plagiarism, writing that my sentence structure was "TO" good. Seriously? FML i don't blame him. I love stupid people, they make me happy.

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

Blogger Challenge Day #4:
A day in pictures. And what better day than Halloween?

Emily reading The Davinci Code in Psychology.

Me, reading Wheel of Time in Psychology.

Hannah dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood Princess Laya.

This is my Math buddy Logan This is our math teacher. Being Professor X.

dressed up as Wolverine

This is why math is fun again

What happens when you leave me alone with paper during class.

Psychology. You're not always evil. I <3 (less than three) Plato.

This is how I dress up for Halloween! Remember Remember!

******A note worthy note from the author *******

I got an email from Utah today inviting me to an application seminar. This is what it said, and I quote,

"The purpose of U Apply Day is to make your application process as easiest as possible."

Guys. I think this school needs me. And just more english majors sending out it's emails. Pathetic.

Pessimism: either you're right or pleasantly surprised

Today is Sunday. Sunday is my day to be lazy and not care about anything, including what I wear. It wasn't until my dear friend Chandler said he was coming over to pick up a forgotten book from my house that I realized what I was wearing.

yes that is a penguin pajama top, paint-splatter tank top, and plaid pajama pants.

Needless to say Stacy and Clinton would totally kill me for my clash of patterns. I can't help it if all my comfortable clothes are horribly mismatched. oh well.

NOW! Blogger Challenge Day 3:

is the glass half empty or half full?

This is the post I dread, because I don't have much to say on the subject. But that's alright, because you have that lovely photo to keep you entertained whilst I rant about optimism!

Lets get real guys. If you pour half a glass of milk, than your glass is in fact half full, because that's all you wanted. If you pour yourself a full glass of milk and then someone else drank half of it, it is now half empty. I don't know about you but when someone drinks half my milk I don't exclaim, "Hey! who left my glass half full?!" do you? If so you're probably a really strange person and should learn a few colloquialisms. You'll get along with people in the world better. Personally I just yell "Who drank my milk! I was going to dunk my cookies in that!" and then my mother's milk mustached and cookie crumbed mouth will tell me who it was.

I should probably rant about whether or not I'm a pessimist or an optimist. Well the truth is that For a Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic. Little plagiarized but its true. Outwardly I'm really quite optimistic. for example:

English class. Final test. Studied as hard as I could without my brain melting. The results? a 98%. the only reason I missed those two points is because I forgot a simple, stupid rule.

My reaction? "hey! I got a 98! That's awesome!"

In school I'm naturally optimistic. Probably because a 98% is really good compared to other tests I take. (Except this term! I got straight A's. I'm still in shock about this.)

In other people's lives I'm also an optimist. Your boyfriend dumped you? That's ok he was a douche bag anyway! Lets get ice cream! Your cat died? It's in a better place now. Besides cats are evil. You've rid yourself of something satanic.

In my own life, I'm actually rather pessimistic.

My rabbit died? Oh my gosh I killed it! Dramatic hair cut? ah! I'm hideous! this was a stupid idea! (although in reality I always have great hair I just forget sometimes) Random nose bleed? cancer! Bad grades? I'm never going to college! My boyfriend dumped me? Oh wait! That's never happened! Cause I've never had a boyfriend! ha ha lol! (no you're not. Whore.)

I'm basically paranoid parrot. Maybe that isn't pessimism. . . . oh well. Point is I'm a lot more inwardly high strung than my outwardly laid back, go with the flow, attitude would tell you.

But in all honest I stick to my original statement. The glass is only half empty when someone steals your milk! Mom!

Praise Allah!

Another thought, because I'm so proud and must share with anyone who will listen! (and you probably all saw it on Facebook anyways, but this seems to be more document. . . able... New word!)

For the first time since I started Jr. High, I have straight A's.

All A's or A-'s. I don't care what the stupid 4.0 students say, an A- is by definition an "A". there is an A in it! IT COUNTS!

I'm ecstatic.

To be or not to be?

Hamlet. Suicide contemplation. Best. Play. Ever.

Today - and mostly yesterday - I've been thinking about art. I know, I know. "again Kate? Really?" didn't we already have this discussion with the claymation issue? shut up! I don't even know why I keep blogging, but I do. . . emotional release I suppose. Stress reliever. A chance to pretend I can write. (Just kidding, I'm a great writer!)

Anyways! Art!

So here is my thought.

Is all great art suffered for? Is it great because someone suffered for it? or is it suffered for because it is great? Think about. I mean really think about it. What does it mean if you do not truly feel something for it. Some great pain or passion for what you create. Would Vincent Van Gogh still have been seen as great if he had not died because of his art? He was not seen as great while he lived. It is his suffering, that you can feel in the art that makes it so wonderful. You do not truly appreciate his paintings until you know and appreciate the man.

Can you really say you created something great if you did not have to sacrifice for it? What does it mean if you do not give up something for it? If you do not sacrifice a little bit of yourself to it, your time, your sanity. Your soul.

All art, all true art, is an expression of the soul (thus I disagree with Plato's theory on the soul, but we won't get into that today.) When an artist creates something they are truly giving a bit of themselves to it. That is sacrifice. If you do not give a bit of yourself to it, or all of yourself, than you do not truly care about it. If you don't truly care about what you are creating, than why create it? To make it great you must have passion and pain for it.

This is my conclusion: Sacrifice and suffering are the two requirements for great art.

So what do I have passion for? What will I give my soul to, to make it breathe? What do I want to bring to life like my own Frankenstein monster?

These are the things I think about when I'm downtrodden and contemplating my own artistry. I blame hormones. . . :)

Also! my last pieces of advice for you is to these two things.

#1: See Rent. If you don't you won't appreciate the next quite as much

#2: look up the sound Louder Than Words from Tick Tick Boom. Get the lyrics too. it makes it better.

You Miserable Vomitus Mass

(How do you spell Vomitus? hmm... Wesley is making up words)

I'm going out of order and with big gaps in between but I don't really care. I just spent my whole day doing homework without more than a fifteen minute break at a time. Blogging is a great way to reward yourself for hard work. Plus, it doesn't make you fat!

So lets go!

Blogger challenge #2: phobias.

Alright, I'm afraid of a lot of things. Serial killers, large predators, pedophiles, my basement, the list can go on and on. But I have two phobias that I find are both irrational and very interesting.

Lets start with the more rational of the two.

I have Acrophobia. For those of you who don't know, that is the fear of heights. I hate heights. In all honesty it isn't as bad as it used to be seeing as how now I can jump off cliffs into lakes but it's still crazy. Whenever I drive in the canyon and get a little too close to a ledge I feel like I'm going to throw up. A horrid scene of the car rolling down into a dark ravine flashes into my head. There's usually a lot of blood involved.

After such horrific imaginings I have to distract myself. "hey look at that tree all the way up there at the top of the mountain! oh wow I love this song! maybe I should paint my nails. Squirrel assasins!" or something of the like.

This fear also leads to my fear of roller coasters. They're evil and frightening. Don't invite me to amusement parks, I'm a bore. I'll go on all the kiddie rides though!

In all honesty I just don't like things high up that I can't control. If I am rock climbing I know that I have my own strength to rely on keeping me up. It's not that great, but it's better than putting all my faith in a machine. If a Ferris wheel crashes I have no chance to survive. I will fall to my untimely doom just like everyone else! Squashed like a bug on the windshield of a sports car going down the free way. (too morbid?) Point is, give me a rock wall, I'll climb it. Put me on a roller coaster I'll probably freak out a little but suck it up. Put me on a Ferris wheel and I will pee myself and cry.

So that's heights. Ready for the next phobia? It is probably the weirdest thing you've ever heard of in your entire life! are you prepared?

I am terrified of. . . . Stop motion animation.

Yeah, I'm serious. Alright "terrified" is an exaggeration, but it freaks me out. When I'm sick I dream in stop-motion. Sometimes when I'm terrified I do too. It's freakin' creepy! I'm not talking like Wallace and Gromit - I love them! Cheese and crackers! - but like Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas or Corpse Bride. There's one scene in the movie The Fall that I can't watch because its stop-motion. (see that movie. It's lovely.) It's just scary. No one moves like that! It's awkward and creepy. It literally makes me sick to my stomach.

Nice thing about my fear is that I have a very good reason of why I'm afraid of it.

I present to you A Claymation Easter.

You: But Kate! It's just a cute little Easter bunny with glasses and and a mustache!

Me: Shut up! You don't call satanic cults that destroy small children's happiness cute! This movie is evil I tell you! E-V-I-L evil!

You: It can't be that bad.

Me: oh yes it can! Have you ever seen a pig dress up as the Easter bunny feed the Easter bunny to a shark kept inside a small barrel? I have! It is creepy and evil and ruined all my hope to ever enjoy a Tim Burton film!

You: You're exaggerating again.

Me: Yes! but that's normal! But I am still right. As a small impressionable child this movie was scarring. If you want to understand my pain I still own this demonic film. I have yet to decide the best way to punish it for it's horrifying content. Please take it away from me and watch it, you'll understand my pain. You probably won't fear claymation, but you aren't a small influential child. Still, you'll see why this fear is in fact rational!

Well friends, that is my blogger challenge on phobias. Hope you enjoyed it. I'm going to go cleanse my psyche with Big Bang Theory.

it. burns. us.

Dear philosophy class,
We got together because I believed you would make me feel smart. Perhaps even get me into college. I had the belief that we would be very happy together all our days! I was horribly mistaken.
What I believed was a sweet intelligent creature turned out to be a ravishing beast that demands human brains as sacrifice! Socrates fueled you in your attempts to destroy the Greeks with your hunger. Even still there are those who worship you and sacrifice the sanity of their students to your gluttony. You are despicable! You've even got Mr. Atwood praising you and shoving his students into your clutches. You are manipulative and cruel to all who attempt to defeat you! no one is neutral to your powers! either they will love you and praise you like an ancient God, or you will devour their sanity and spit them out as simply a shell of what they used to be.
It is for this reason that I have concluded we may no longer be in the relationship previously desired and striven for. I have decided that we must now become mortal enemies and I must defeat you. Not with a sword and fiery passion! but with Apathy. I will survive this class! I will pass this class! and I will leave it unscathed by your wrath!
Sincerely,
Your new found nemesis
Kate

This is the philosophy monster. Hideous isn't it?

This is me. Bravely going to conquer it. I know I'm a true hero aren't I?

Stop inflicting your opinions on the world

This is what Sherlock says about blogging. I must say I agree with him. But I don't really keep a journal and need someway of getting my thoughts down and not on facebook I will continue to inflict all you readers with my opinions. Even though I'm almost certain no one follows my blog religiously or even periodically. But that's really ok because I don't really care if you read this. It's not for you, it's for me. suck it.

But since I'm a curious person by nature I wanted to see whom my audience consisted off. This is what I found:

385 views in America. Yay

Russia has viewed me 7 times. probably trying to see if I'm a threat to their plot to destroy the country. I really don't think I am but who knows maybe they have a time machine that says I will become an American Dictator. That'd be sweet.

Germany has seen this blog 5 times. I assume drunk blogging lead to this.

3 people in Malaysia have looked at my rantings... is it just really boring over there?

2 views from Indonesia and the Netherlands. I hope to become famous in the Netherlands someday. They are historically known to kick ass! William of Orange is great.

Switzerland, Denmark and some place called Moldova have all viewed me once. Does Moldova sound like a country from a Disney film to anyone else? I think they're making this country up. It isn't real!!!!

Well... There you go. I have once again inflicted my opinion on you all, including you fake people from Moldova. you'd better enjoy it!

p.s. While I'm being famous in the Netherlands I'm also going to be like Sherlock Holmes. Socially awkward and totally bad A! ... hmm...maybe I already am.

quiet, calm, peaceful. Isn't it hateful?

Yet another reason Spencer The Don Donaldson is the greatest person I know.

This is the exact conversation we had on facebook today:

Kate: I think we need to hang out. That's all

Spencer: I think we do too. Are you going to watch LOTR with us?

Kate: What? Dude it's at MY house.

S: OOH! well in that case uhhhh nevermind.

K: So i'm pretty sure I'll be there. It's gonna rock

S: I'm stoked. Might even dress up. Maybe possibly. Probably

K: PLEASE! i'll walk around on my knees and have PTSD like Frodo.

S: PTSD?

K: Post traumatic stress disorder

S: hahahahahha that's a good one

K: yeah. Well its easier than saying "The deathly obsession caused by the demonic one ring to rule them all" or DOCCBTDORTRTA

S: hahahahaha Oh man your funny. Not much can get me to actually laugh out loud that's why i never use lol but dang LOL

K: wow. I'm pretty proud of that fact. I will put it in my diary. "I made Spencer LOL today. I'm awesome."

S: hahaha do it! then twenty years from now you can read it and telepathically tell me (cause the internet will be prehistoric by then) about that time you made me LOL and I will LOL again.

K: OMG it'll be totally great.

I love this man. And now you can see why. As if his sweet car and great hair weren't enough, he's just friggin' hilarious.

p.s. I recommend everyone watch the BBC series Sherlock. It's awesome! that is all.

carpe diem

How to Cease the Day:

1. Ace a test!

2. Don't be sick. :)

3. Wear a Godfather t-shirt!

4. Learn how to be pregnant. (Sadly I don't have a picture for this. Lets just say Child Development is a really interesting class)

5. Epic epiphany in the Parker's parking lot!

6. Watch tragic films with hot men.

7. rock out to Queen (and lady ga ga a little bit) while blowing up balloons and baking.

8. fill your shirt with Balloons for breast implants. especially if you're a male.meet Kent he's special. we love him. sometimes.

over all day=ceased!

We're all going to die.

Blogger Challenge day 1:

This is actually the last thing on the list, but since I had nightmares about this very subject this is where I will begin.

The Zombie Apocalypse and my plan for it:

Zombies Vs. Unicorns is a great way to be inspired for this event. (I love this photo!)

(Zombies totally win! No questions asked!)

In the case that you are undead for the zombie plague here are my guidelines: In all Honesty when the zombie plague ravishes the globe (and it will!) I hope to be one of the infected. I want to hunt people down groaning obnoxiously, oozing my brain juice through my ears, and making people of all shapes and sizes crap themselves cause I'm so scary. Doesn't that sound more fun than being chased by the zombies? I think it does.

Step 1: Cheer a little. You get to be a zombie! That's awesome! Just enjoy the moment.

Step 2: Practice your moan. You can't be a good zombie without a zombie moan! and it has to be unique. Other wise the frightened villagers won't be able to tell you apart from the other zombies and you will just be part of the pack. You want to be distinguished as an individual zombie who could, single-handily, send the world into a raving panic. "Brains" is always a good way to start out.

Step 3: If you do not have a loose or missing limb/body part, lose one. It adds to the effect.

Step 4: Find a village to infect and/or terrorize.

Step 5: limp slowly to the village using your signature moan as a prelude to your terror! use a hilltop if you can so they can see you coming and begin their inevitable panic.

Step 6: Proceed to eat the weak and elderly. They won't be very good zombies anyway and you don't want to starve.

Step 7: Leave your zombie infection everywhere you can. Since the plague has not yet taken over I am unaware of how it will spread. You can figure it out and share it with your victims accordingly.

Step 8: avoid the zombie hunters. They are bad ju-ju! Maybe pillage a bullet proof vest/SWAT gear. (a note: please bury me in SWAT gear so I will be prepared for the zombie hunters.)

Step 9: Be awesome! You're a friggin' Zombie! It's not hard.

<------This is my zombie face:

Sadly we won't all be able to become the awesome Zombies. In the case that you are a zombie's preferred dinner, make sure you have each of the following items:

1. Get a gun! This is your number one defense, no matter what.

2. Chain Saw. You can't expect to kick Zombie trash without your chainsaw. Come on.

3. Twinkies. I haven't actually seen Zombieland, but I've heard they're pretty important.

4. You're going to need a fortress. Like an old Pot farm, or abandoned sky scraper. Something easily defended against the infected population.

5. Find a doctor/scientist. If you have one they'll probably find a cure to the Zombie disease while you're out kicking ass.

6. a very attractive member of the opposite sex. If your doctor/scientest dies (or if you shamefully skipped step 5) you're going to need someone to repopulate the earth with. Maybe multiple because odds are some people are gonna die. So get a bunch of your most sexually active friends and start reproducing!

7. LOTS of extra ammo. You're probably out numbered by the zombies so you'll need a lot. don't be above robbing a redneck gun shop. I'm sure they'll understand. Unless they're zombies. Then they'll eat you.

8. Balls and/or nerves of steel. If one of your friends gets infected you're gonna have to get the balls to shoot them in the face so they don't start trying to eat you. I suggest you start growing a pair now before its too late and you chicken out. This could ultimately lead to the destruction of your beginning civilization and we don't want that do we?

9. Get out there and totally own the zombies! (even though secretly they're cooler than you.) Hopefully by the time you're bitten and awaiting your tragic death you'll either have plenty of kids to keep the earth populated, or your scientist friend will have found a cure and you can be saved! So go out there and be AWESOME!

9 3/4. (Emily this is just for you.) Pringles. ;) I'll leave it at that.

I hope you enjoyed my plan for the zombie apocalypse. I hope to see you all there. I'll be the awesome zombie in the front moaning "brains" and cackling manically at my own awesomeness.

Live long and undead! (I should sign all my emails with that.)

challenge accepted

to Emily and my blog followers (all six of you!) I have accepted the blogging challenge heretofore (that seemed like a good word to put a link in) set down by Emily Marie Fiona Juchau.

Starting tomorrow, probably, I will begin said challenge! watch out! your world is about to be rocked!

Art is a lie that enables us to realize the truth.

Pablo Picasso said that. I never understood his art until this week. Now I think it's beautiful.

I love art. All forms of art! I want to die for my art. (like Robert Jodran).

Here is art I love. A quick preview. Please feel free to share your artistic preferences so i

may broaden my horizons.

Van Gogh is probably my favorite. (I took this picture myself)

Michael Angelo is just beautiful. I love renaissance art.

Greek art is wonderful. This is the Nike of Samothrace. Something about it makes me heart sing

.
And Picasso. This painting was referenced the book I just read. I fell in love with it.

If anyone dares try to tell you dance is not art, kick them. They have clearly never seen good dance. Make them see a ballet and they will understand. If not they're hopeless.

Obviously I love the art of writing. But that is a different rant for a different day. This is my aesthetic art. Just a taste of it anyway. I love almost any kind of art. At least when I can understand it. I admit to my ignorance. What I do know I love.

If you haven't read My Name is Asher Lev you need to. Its one of those books that will

change your life a little bit. (Why is blogger being stupid today? I don't know. It hates me.) Just

read it.

Just for Kaylynn... cause i'm awful

Dear Kaylynn,

i'm a horrible friend i know. but i thought of you when i saw this.

it's raining men. sort of.

My love life is obsolete.

Want to know why? You're reading my blog so I assume you do. Unless you're just weird, reading this for no good reason and really don't care about what I have to say. If this is the case, please stop reading my blog. You're wasting your time as well as mine.

Here is why I don't have a romantic relationship. Except with Angela. She's pregnant with my child. Don't ask.

I've never been kissed, as I assume most of you know. I don't date much, mostly because boys in high school are Douche Canoes (plug for Emily's blog. again.). I am very ok with this. But recently I have discovered that there are exactly three boys I would date and I can't date any of them.

The first is bachelor is Ben.

The story: We met in U.S. History class last year. Ben is a skater, with curly blonde hair and a great sense of humor. He loves video games and comic books. He's extremely fashionable and, like me, wears bright colored converse.

The problem: Ben is deaf. For some reason unknown to me or the rest of man kind, I'm attracted to men with a missing sense. Ben has a translator, who I also became friends with, that allowed us to communicate in class last year. Since I don't have any classes with him this year I only ever see him in the halls, translator-less. Plus, I do not speak sign

language, at all. Well I can ask for more crackers. Not really very seductive. So that's a no for Ben.

The second bachelor is Spencer Donaldson.

The Story: If you don't know Spencer go to Cami's blog and watch the videos on him. (wow I'm doing a lot of advertising today.) He's the sexy one with the awesome hair. I met Spencer through Chandler. Chandler took me to see his band perform, and I would have flirted outrageously with him then, except I was in a bad mood. Also I can't flirt. It's like the sign language problem. So we didn't get to know each other until Group Therapy. Spencer plays guitar, watches horror movies, and has the cutest dog EVER! I want to be Spencer when I grow up.

The problem: Group Therapy. We aren't allowed to have romantic relationships with anyone in group. Which totally makes sense and I wouldn't break that rule for anything. I respect the group too much. So with that and my flirting retardation, Spencer is eliminated from the list of people I can date.

The third bachelor is Daniel Allanbach.

The story: I don't know how I met Daniel. We just kind of hit it off this year, and got to party at special needs mutual dance together. He's probably the funniest person on the whole planet! It's just a fact. Daniel enjoys the word "Fetus", british accents, making faces at me in philosophy, and laughing.

The problem: Again I'm flirtatiously retarded. If you know Daniel, you can probably figure out why I can't date him. If not, don't worry about it. But he's out of the running for my potential boyfriend. Also he's too cool for me anyway.

Thus we see that all the men I'm attracted to I can't communicate with, am not allowed to date, or are too cool to handle. Seems I'll be single my whole high school career. Oh well.

P.S. I'm supposed to be writing right now. Today my problems are not caused by lack of motivation, but lack of a plot line. I think I shall spend the rest of my evening outlining. Goodie.

If you love nothing where is the joy in your life

I felt like this entire quote was too long for a title. Here is the rest of it: "If you fear nothing than you love nothing, if you love nothing then where is the joy in your life?" Wise words by Sean Connery, playing King Arthur. (He was the only reason that movie was good.)

Today, my best friend Emily said to me, "Your blog would be really good if you used punctuation." I didn't know how to respond to this. She then proceeded to explain how commas are man's real best friend, not dogs. This is good advice. The punctuation, not the comma thing. (but that's true too.) but of course being me, I have to be obnoxious.

So this is me. Using punctuation. This is me: Taking pictures of myself. Using punctuation. I feel this is the funniest face I have ever made. Ever.

Someday Emily will be a great writer/English teacher. Actually, she's already a great writer. She's just not an English teacher yet. She'll be the Mr. Atwood of the English department. And totally kick Mr. Lind's ass. I swore. Does It Offend You Yeah?

I have learned that I am the most unmotivated writer probably ever. Even if I have to pay Emily 5$ every week I don't write. It makes not sense to put the dollar sign before the number. No one says "Dollar Five." Just saying. p.s these italics... suddenly became my ADD thoughts; like a second personality. I don't think I ever use semi-colons properly. Something needs to change. I don't know what, but something does.

Right now for this I-will-write-no-matter-how-unmotivated plan, I'm going to rewrite my Cello story only write it through the cello's point of view. Who knows, maybe I'll get a scholarship for it? Who thought a fifteen minute conversation with a homeless man could affect me so much?

Well. . . That's pretty much all I have to say. No exciting stories to tell. No celebrity look alike, or bright green truck. No cute romantic rant. Except that I'm proud to say "I believe in love!"

Also, "Cardigan" is my favorite word this week. I often compliment women on their cardigans, not only because they are cute and fashionable, but because I like to say it. Thank you Old Navy for teaching me that word. It was one of the few things you ever did for me.

with friends like these who needs enemies?

How to Make Great Friends in two easy steps.

By Katelyn Jeane Winward & Nicole Hunter Beighley

( it's bee-g-lee, not bay-lee. It doesn't bother her, but it bothers me.)

Step 1: Watch a movie. (I suggest The Holiday with Jacky Black, Jude Law, Cameran Diaz, and Kate Winslet.)

Step 2: Fart on one another.

Follow these steps exactly, and pretty soon you'll have a friendship to last through the ages!

"I'm not undoing your broaches while I'm driving!"

"Eat the cookie!"

one step bellow obsession, passion... this is obsession.

Let me explain to you Wheel of Time The Shadow Rising, from how I see it forty pages from the end, and barley able to function because my brain is on wheel of time overload. Lets go character by character. italics are my thoughts on them.

Rand: "I'm awkwardly flirting with Avienda even though I'm in love with Min AND Elayne! I have the weirdest love life since the guy from sister-wives!" Where do you come up with this Robert Jordan? I think he just had three awesome love interests and couldn't pick one and decided "love ALL the girls!" (yeah I made a meme reference inside a WOT rant. problem?) "i'm also losing my mind and going to do something crazy that no one knows that will ultimately piss EVERYONE off cause that's how i roll."

Min: i just saved the stilled Amyrlin and Keeper of the Chronicles and we're apparently teaming up with Logain. Kick-ass? i think I am. oh! and I can wear pants again! I'm proud to call her my WOT counter part.

Perrin: Piss of ALL the whitecloaks. after totally owning the trollocs! Not to mention i got married and get to sleep with my wife! too bad she's the daughter of the worlds best general and I'll probably pee myself when i meet him. Its normal. Also Gaul and Chiad are randomly in love... no one knows. Who cares? I'm awesome! Yeah.... I'm prejudice with these characters... its fine. i love perrin.

Mat: Damn you Rand! I'm leaving. P.s. I just got so much cooler with my hat and speare and anti-aes sedai necklace! Mat wins... always. No matter what.

Nynave/Elayne: TAKE THAT MOGHEDIAN! We are so much cooler than all the black ajah and more powerful than a forsaken! we rock! Even though they both still bother me. Elayne is a baby and obsessed with Rand. Nynave needs to get her head out of her butt and love Lan.

Egwene: DREAMWALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rand? what? its normal.

I probably could have finished the book by now. But no, i had to rant in blog form... i have a serious problem. probably none of this is coherent... because i'm tired. and no one knows why! Robert Jordan is taking over my brain! *twitch twitch*

Foiled again!

I was so close! Cami left her blog signed in on my computer again and I was going to post an awesome picture of a dinosaur on it, but then my computer froze and logged out! This must be how all the old school villains feel when the hero swoops in and ties them up. Now I just need a twirly mustache.

Well I took all the effort to draw that Dinosaur, he deserves to be shared.

I think I'll name him Rupert.

How to save life

This man, in the smallest way, with just a few words, changed my life.

I Believe in Music the Way Some People Believe in Fairy Tales

(I'm going to attempt to be more artistic this time. Maybe I will turn this into something and get a scholarship for it. lemme know what you think. it is a bit long. pictures to follow)

In front of a hidden theater, the kind that only plays artistic films or documentaries, stands a patched up cello playing the most amazing music you will ever hear. It is not a lost symphony or the work of a genius. Just the soft notes of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" but the story of the man singing along as he strokes the instrument, makes it truly remarkable.

Eli Potrash struggles to remember the lyrics to the song while the notes themselves flow so easily through his hand. Three young people laugh while they walk down the side walk towards the theater, just three unremarkable people.

But they stop a ways away. They look at him, and at each other, then keep walking. They're not going towards the ticket box now, they're walking towards him. He pretends not to notice, and continues to sing. "Somewhere over the rainbow. . . " They're standing in front of him now, the two girls standing a bit closer than the blonde boy. He's studying the board that proclaims the titles. “way up high. There's a land.. la la la la...” The notes continue but his voice stalls. “once in a lullaby.” He smiles at them and they smile pleasantly back. One hasn't stopped smiling at him since she looked at him. “Hello.”

“Hi,” They both reply. “That's lovely.” the smiling girl pulls a bill from the pocket of her shorts. He can see a 5 printed in the corner. She leans over his purple back pack his has placed before his feet, open to expose the few belongings he keeps with him, but also to show he is open to donations. She looks at him to make sure that's where to place the money and he nods. She drops it in and straightens back up.

“Can we take a picture of you?” She asks. The second girl, she has a sunflower in her hair, holds up a camera.

“Sure,” Eli answers. “Lots of people take my picture. More than I'd like.” He laughs but poses for the camera. It clicks and he expects them to leave now, like most do.

“It's very beautiful.” The smiling one comments. “How long have you been playing the cello?”

“Oh I'm not very good. My true instrument is the bass. I'm a bass man.” (here he goes again thinks the cello). “If you heard a real cellist you'd know the difference.”

“It's still very good.” The sunflowered one says.

“Oh I'm much better on the bass. My muscles are getting all messed up from playing the wrong instrument. I was in an orchestra my first year. The first year I was playing the bass, I was in an orchestra.”

“Well you're wonderful.”

“Thank you. I play for people. Some people I see, some people I don't, some people only I see.” He laughs, and the kids chuckle politely. The boy has returned now. He seems nice, but anxious to get to a movie. “You never know, whats up here,” He taps his head and they laugh again. “Worlds all around us. Seen, unseen, real or fake. Some intersecting some not.” (you're rambling again Elie) “I'd like to get on the internet. Show people what can happen. I'm sixty years old and playing here. I'd like to do something still.”

Smiles turns to Sunflower, “You're camera has video doesn't it? We could film you and post it on Youtube or something. Can we?”

“I'm not really prepared at all.” He says, but the girl already has her camera out again, and pointing at him. So he begins to play. “Somewhere over the rainbow. . .” Again he pauses. “la la la, la la la la la la, why can't I?” The three applaud and grin brightly.

“Thank you so much.” The sunflower one says as she replaces the camera in her purse.

“Yeah.” Eli is almost blushing. “What movie are you seeing?”

“We don't know yet, what do you recommend?”

“Oh I like Attack of the Block, but I like movies where people get eaten.” They talk for a while about what he's seen at the theater he plays at. Finally the kids dismiss themselves.

“It was great talking to you.” they say, and shake his hand.

“I love meeting young people.” He tells them. “It gives me hope.”

They walk away, and Eli continues to play his cello. Just three unremarkable people.

“Blue birds fly o'er the rainbow.” But he was remarkable. “Why, oh then why,” but he had changed them, just a little. “Can't. I?”

Its not easy being green

Here's today.

my dad had to take my sweet little car to get new tires yesterday, so he left me his huge bright green truck to drive. when I say bright green I mean BRIGHT Kermit the frog, dinosaur green. This was less awkward when it advertised my dad's store, but now its just green. Super awkward. This is an actual photo that I just took, not a likeness on the internet. That's the car. You see my issue.

I am afraid of parking in big cars, so this truck scares me. this is because the week after I got my drivers license, I crashed into a parked car at kholers, and by "crashed" I mean attempted to park and destroyed the side of her car with the evil van.

Well I rose above my fears today and drove said truck to the high school! (yay! cheers for Kate! way to overcome your big car parking fears!) This, was a mistake.

But lets begin with the humorous, that is Kayli Anderson's reaction to the car when I picked her up to school this morning. Kayli lives two doors away from me, she's probably my favorite person, definitely my favorite Asian (Gretel is a close second). That is not racist, cause if she read this, she'd laugh. She's way into Asian culture, is learning to play the banjo, and is in three Japanese classes. Kayli's awesome. Well I pull up at her door this morning, honk with my awkward horn that just sounds like it belongs to this car.

She looks out the window in confusion and thinks: "That isn't my ride. So why are they outside my house?" with a closer look she sees my face in the drivers seat. At this point I imagine she broke out into hysterical laughter, and prayed this wasn't the vehicle I was going to kill her in. (she lived.)

Well, we drove to school, parked successfully, (I'm proud to say I can park in very large cars! I have conquered my phobia. now I have a new one) and went to class. At lunch Emily and I decided we should go get Arby's together and bond as best friends. Mostly because no one else could come. We arrive at the car to see a lovely yellow ticket shoved under the windshield. I almost started to swear, but refrained. *pause to be proud of me. . . . Continue*

The ticket informed me I would have to pay a $60 fine for not having a parking pass, and getting a boot on my car. Well there was only one problem, other than the fact that I'm totally broke and I didn't want my dad to pay $60 for my idiot-ness, there was no boot on my car. In fact I drove to Arby's, got a sandwich, drove to Emily's to pick her car up, drove back to my house, and Emily drove back to the school (and still made it back on time for class).

I refused to pay this fine, and insisted I would go yell at the finance office. I'm a nice person I don't yell. So I calmly explain the situation and was informed that they are allowed to ticket me for a boot because even though it wasn't there if the school wasn't too ghetto to own more than three boots, I would have gotten one. She then told me to talk to the tracking office. Book Depository Lady was there, I was certain my life was about to be diminished $60. She told me to come back and talk to another lady but I would probably still have to pay (this is a faulty system I know.)

My death seemed imminent, and I contemplated my pending funeral in AP Euro, and who would receive my belongings after I died. I trudged my way after class back to the office and found a different lady, whom I had never seen before, sitting in a small office. I told her the sob story of my day, and she handed me the most beautiful white piece of paper I'd ever seen. "Fill this out and we'll get rid of the ticket for you all together." She then proceeded to do the same for a boy who walked in with the same problem.

So this story had a happy ending! No ticket, and I learned that not ALL the office workers at American Fork High School are either evil or useless. Thank you mystery lady. I will forever remember your kindness to me.

Now! not that this post is long enough, but I have one more story. After first period I discovered what it means to be REALLY high. Some kid was sitting at his desk, attempting to pack up to go to his next class and seemingly not able to comprehend how his notebook would go into his backpack. I turned away for like two seconds and when I looked back, he was on the floor, probably half unconscious. My EMT instincts (that aren't actually there) didn't question why he had fallen, only that he needed help, so I put his notebook in his backpack for him, and handed him his glasses and awkward bracelet, helped him to his feet and watched him stagger out the door. (Mr. Atwood did nothing. probably wise.) Only after he left did the thought occur to me "He was higher than a kite!" I'm hoping he went home and sobered up, or at least found his next class. That and he's just a bad drunk, and didn't O.D. Who knows, maybe he was just sick. Yeah right Kate, not even you're like that on Sudafed. Thank you pessimistic voice of Reason.

So I guess, you help a druggie get on his feet, and you don't get parking tickets. Thanks Karma!

For those of you who don't already know. I'm a geek. it's a fact, that I am not only comfortable with, but proud of! I obsess over Wheel of Time (like how as soon as I finish this post I will be off to read it until my eyes literary won't stay open any longer.) The points are these.

1. if you appreciate a good fantasy, that totally shows up every other fantasy you ever read, read this. you're mind will explode, and we can discuss the sheer awesome that is Robert Jordan.

2. While I was busy obsessing over Wheel of Time, I found some fan art. Then I found this picture, drawn by some guy who never read the books and was hired to draw this for some strange obscure European country. No one knows. point is, if you don't know Wheel of Time, just laugh at these photos. If you do know Wheel of Time, I invite you to laugh until you pee, because its both ridiculous but slightly accurate. Rand's face, is just... the best. plus everyone looks evil.

Enjoy. LOL! (no you're not. whore.)

p.s. i just learned this isn't a very big image and you can't enjoy it as much as it should be. so here's a link to it. so you can appreciate it here. (hope that worked)

Special? I think I am

So I know I've already had my little rant about this film, but then I learned that if I want to get extra credit for watching it, I need to type up a paper about my thoughts on it. And that's so much more fun in blog form. (yeah I started a sentence with a conjunction. Do you have a problem with that Sean Connery?)

So here is my blog post on this wonderful film, dedicated to our one and only Laurel Shelley, Phd. That's probably not true, but wouldn't it be cool? So I will give her the title, because this is my blog and I can grant Phd's to whomever I wish! Today I wish it to be my English teacher.

First a note to Miss Shelley, I fixed the whole concurrent enrollment thing, turns out the school did send my transcripts but the lady was looking for the name Kate Lyn, not Katelyn. So I drove all the way to UVU to sit in the waiting room for fifteen minutes waiting for a receptionist who was supposed to return twenty minutes prior, only to find out the room I needed was not on that floor, for nothing. Thank you UVU Concurrent Enrollment system. You suck. I revoke you of your University-ship. So go cry UVSC. (I can un-grant things as well here.)

Anyways! Finding Forrester.

So pretty much this movie was kind of awesome. Not even kind of, it was. Then again anything with Sean Connery is great. It's simply a fact of life. I liked how this movie was diverse with the boy's interests so he wasn't just a jock, or just a writer, he didn't even really have to choose between the two, not really. Well, yeah he lost the championship game because Forrester wouldn't leave his house, but that wasn't the main struggle for the kid. It was much deeper than that. I appreciate that, it makes the movie more relate-able and a lot less typical.

What I think makes Sean Connery so great is that beautiful speech impediment of his. Combined with his Scottish accent, it could put you to sleep. It's just lovely. As a writer, the best thing in the world is hearing that mellifluous voice tell you how to become a better writer. I think the voice in my head that tells me how/what to write will be speaking in that voice until I die.

Confession time Miss Shelley, I'm a movie nut. To the point where I can rant about one director for an hour. So let me tell you that I thought this movie was beautiful. The opening shots were captivating and artistic, the whole thing had this calming visual to it despite the fact that it was in the Bronx. It wasn't the world's most beautiful filming by far, but the writing made up for that. It was real, emotional and funny. It was able to draw you in with humor, and used that to make you like the characters so when the time came for you to feel for them you did. It was hard not to get emotionally involved with them, feel for them, hurt with them. At one point I yelled at the antagonist professor simply because he was being mean to Jamal.

I adored this film, in fact it probably goes on my top twenty list of best movies ever. Most of which are actually on your list of movies to watch. Thanks for having good taste in movies and giving me an excuse to watch more of them.

I know, I'm super exciting today. Well there you go. today's rants. No pictures. Suck it up. see this movie. that's all...

Punch the key's damn it!

so I was going to post my page about rules for my philosophy class that I just typed up like Emily did, and I assume Cami will be doing. Only then I was like: "Other than my teacher, who cares?" I don't even care that much! So I have decided not to post it. I will put a link (if I can figure out how to) so if you really do care about my page and half rant about what rules are, why they exist, exceptions to the rules etc. then you can read it. . . . here we go! pretending I know how to use blogger!

yeah I can't figure it out. Again I don't care enough to keep trying. You know me if you're reading this (if you don't you're probably a creeper. why are you reading the random rantings of a 17 year old girl? I'm not Allie Brosh! Go away!) so if you really care, e-mail me. I'll share it with you.

SO! its Sunday. Sunday's are my days of reflection and contemplation. Maybe I'll blog every Sunday so you guys can see what I think about, its different each week. I won't promise though, because odds are that I will forget. So! Today I've thought a lot about Invictus. I even started memorizing it.

Out of the night that covers me

Black is the Pit from pole to pole

I thank whatever Gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

in the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not whimpered nor cried aloud

under the bludgeoning of chance

My head is bloody but unbowed. (this is all I know on my own.)

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

I love this. I think it's important to have an unconquerable soul. today I learned I'm stronger than I thought. If you want to know ask me in person. I'll tell you a little story.

Another thing I've thought about is the movie Finding Forester (which is the source of today's title). first off, Sean Connery rocks and if any of you know where I can get Robin and Marian with him and Audrey Hepburn, I will sell my soul to you, if Angela will give it back to me.

Second off, I enjoy having his voice in my head reminding me how to write. The first draft you write with your heart. The second with your head. This is my goal for the rest of my book. No more going back and re-writing, editing, anything. I'm just going to keep going. Put all my heart in it and worry about the sensibilities of if when I'm finished.

This I will promise you, when that first draft is finished I will put a link up here for the few of you who follow me. You may read it, critique it, or just say "hey look what Kate did that's cool. I'm gonna go get a smoothie now." I don't care. Do what you want, but it will be here for you. If you are offended by violence and a little swearing then don't read it. Because that's how my mind works and I think how best to express things sometimes. I won't apologize for it.

Last point of the day. Things are always more frightening in the dark than in the light.

Even if what you fear in the dark is true, it can't be more horrifying in the light than in your head.

You are the master of your fate, the captain of your soul.

-Kate.

p.s. I love my mother. We don't always get along, sometimes we fight (you'd never guess right?!), but in the end she always knows what to say to make me feel better again, and remind me what is good in the world and that I'm loved. I love you Moddy. Thanks.

p.p.s. I almost forgot a picture! I hate a post without a picture, it makes it look more daunting! don't worry I'm getting one! There it is! yay Sean Connery and all your Scottish glory!