I am continually inspired by my friends and their blogposts. The fact that Emily can write some of the most beautiful things I've ever read and not even acknowledge their impact on peoples lives. The way Cambria is totally poetic without even trying. The fact that Nikki doesn't need to blog to get her thoughts into the world, because she's that open.
So once again after months of postless life here I am again. Partially because of the inspiration from others, partially from the lack of my own laptop to write my book/anything else on, and a large portion because my french homework doesn't make sense, Emily isn't here to help me and I'm waiting for my ipod to charge enough for me to watch Netflix.
As you can guess I am in college now. I am living with my dearest friend Emily, and our two suite-mates Abby and Emily (or as I will refer to her as to avoid confusion Other Emily). Thus far college has been everything and nothing I expected.
As predicted my classes aren't as hard as people tried to make me believe they would be. I have not been harassed for being a freshman. 50% of my family teases me for being a Ute instead of a Cougar. I've made good friends already and greatly miss my high school teachers, namely Atwood, Shelley, and Collier. French is just as difficult at 18 as it was at 4 years ago.
I didn't expect to be so at peace with not being in the same home I have been in for 13 years. I'm amazed I didn't weep openly when my family drove away after dropping me off. I am shocked that I see my father more now than I have in the past six months. I am not in fact starving, but probably getting more plump by the day. I have much more free time to do random things like post on my ancient blog. I cling desperately to the people I know because no matter how outgoing I may pretend to be they're my security blanket.
What amazes me the most is the sense of individuality that has come with moving out on my own. I still call my parents constantly, more than most kids as I have learned from Emily, so it isn't alone I feel. Nor is it pure freedom from any chains that bond me in my childhood (though I still protest being a child at heart forever). My family has always been very relaxed and I was always responsible for myself, making this independence of being away from home not much different than being at home. What I feel is truly best described as I said above, individuality.
I have suddenly broken away from ties in my past life. Household problems of my family no longer directly affect me. The ripple affect of my choices has suddenly gone from a large pool to a small pond. What I do will affect me, be for me, and about me. The surface of my water is not nearly as interrupted by the influences that have always been there as it used to be. My life is my own. I am on my own.
And I love it.
There is something truly indescribable about this feeling, this epiphany. Now I understand what my teachers said when they told me that high school will no longer matter. The mistakes you made, the pains you felt, all of it is washed away in a renewal of life. I won't ever forget where I have been or what I have seen and done, because those are the things that put me where I am now. I am me because of what happened to me. but now all I see is the opportunity for new adventures, new mistakes to be made and new mountains to climb.
I am free.
Free to speak.
Free to live as I never have before.
Free to be myself.
I feel wings I didn't know I had unfurling and getting ready to send me soaring into a great unknown.
