Mellow Jazz? Bongo Drums? A Big Bag of Weed?

Best Week ever? I think so! and it's only Monday! Why you may ask? Well audience I'll tell you!

First I saw Avengers at Midnight! It. Was. Awesome! If you haven't seen it yet you're probably a noob and asking for it to be ruined for you by all your rude friends, but I'm not that rude friend, but you need to see it! cause. it's. AWESOME! If Barney Stinson made a movie just so it could epitomize awesomeness, this would be it. Only he would be in it and not Robin.

Next! Not so awesome, but I did lunges and my thighs are killing me, but the good pain. The kind TJ's stupid quote "Pain is weakness leaving the body" is about. (not the getting beaten to death by Tom Cruise kind of pain that he seems to think the quote applies to. It doesn't, in case you were wondering.)

Then: I discovered on Friday and Sunday that I am aquainted with two very attractive 14 year old boys. one looks like Alex Pettyfer. (below)
                                    The other kind of like a younger, more redheaded version of Spencer Reid (but better hair. see below)  Who knew I had spontaneous Pedophilia? Also Cabe Starr, but he hardly counts.








* Cabe Starr in himself just makes any week better. Here's a little proof as to why "Screw you Darwin!" "I feel like I need a pregnancy test." "I made my friend snort Midol." "If I was a prostitute would you vote for me?" "I've seen Marks naked body more than my own." And that's only the stuff I wrote down or remember. This kind is priceless. sadly I can't date him, cause Cami beat me at Rock Paper Scissors. and she has the Triforce on her wrist. I can't compete with that.

I got a B+ on my 10 page research paper that I was sure I'd bomb! I'm totally ecstatic.

Today, I saw Avengers again, with my Brothers and Angela and Kylee. Fact: My brothers rock. McKay basically is The Hulk (and Bruce Banner for anyone that is confused) and Matthew is which ever Avenger he wants to be cause he's the fastest, smartest, and coolest 10 year old ever (and because he can't decide which one he wants to be cause he loves all of them).

So, the high light of the day and to prove Matthew's Avenger-ness, while I was diligently trying to do my Seminary make up homework, Matthew asked me to move to the other room so he could watch TV. Being the responsible babysitter that I am, I said no because he'd spent the last three hours catching up on Pokemon. I insisted he read a book. He got the remote from me, so I threatened his life and chased him. Because I am in pain from my lunges and can't walk fast, he hid before I could find him. So I found his squirt gun and patrolled the house and his usual hiding spots. After a thorough search I found him buried under my little sisters blankets. So, rationally, I sat on him (I can still do that, but someday he will be bigger than me). He screamed at the top of his lungs, a pitch that could make a dolphin cringe, and I got off. He began to cry and buried his face in the blankets. I was very concerned so I tried to console him and ask him what was wrong. He insisted that everything was fine and that I should leave him alone. This is a normal routine when Matthew is upset so I insisted he tell me. After continuous attempts on his part to bury himself in the sheets, I pulled his hands from his face. What should I discover but dimples deep as the grand canyon and the most devious smile you've ever seen.
It was all a trick!
He dashed out the front door while I was still scrambling to retrieve my fully loaded watergun and ran down the street to hide behind the neighbors fence. 20 minutes of trying to chase him through the neighborhood and lock him out of the house (I may be bigger but he's still faster) I called my mother and she told me to get him ready for bed. Quick as a flash I concocted my revenge plan. I called him in, emptied my weapon and went into the house before him. Before he could get in the door, I found my squirt bottle in the bathroom. Stealthily hidden on a kitchen chair I urged him inside and insisted he brush his teeth. Just when he thought he was safe I shot him in the head! Water was everywhere, and my revenge was sweet. He is faster, but I'm still smarter!

A photo of the soon to be only black Avenger

So yeah, my life is great. My brother is the next Avenger, and someday I'm going to pay for these little battles of ours. But all in all a great week! We'll see how the rest of it goes.

Illuminating in this beggarly room the murderer and the harlot, 

who had strangely come together here to read

 the Eternal Book. 

Blarg

I just spent the last 45 minutes looking for a new background for my blog. . . . As you can see I didn't find one. I'm giving up. I quit. I'm a quitter. I'm a loser that quits. I'm ok with that. I'm going to bed.
Blog post day #3
Don't spend 45 minutes looking for a blog background. Ask you BFF Cami to do it for you cause she's better at it. the end.
love,
The Quitter

p.s. this is the picture I wanted to use. Blogger said the file was too big. If you can find a way to fix it for me I would love you forever and probably make you cookies.

OMG! Toats Heart the Presh!

Day 2:

I'm not really sure why I'm doing this. Free food I guess, but come on Kate, you can make your own treats for yourself that will probably be way yummier anyway! . . . .thanks conscience Kate.

Anyway! Today's blog will be about grammar. Now I know all of you grammar nuts out there are thinking "she can't talk about grammar! Look at all the mistakes she's made in the past four lines!" Well to you critics, shut up. My grammar is not great, but it is adequate, especially for the internet.  No, I'm talking about the people who can't seem to complete a word to save their lives, or use that abbreviated word in the right context. I am talking about text slang or as I like to call it The Evil Plot To Enslave and Weaken the Minds of Our Generation. I'm not sure who's evil plot this is, but I'm sure it's someones. Maybe aliens, maybe zombies. It could be our very own Dr. Doofenshmirtz using some "bad grammar-inator" on us! All I know is that it's working. So, my congratulations to Dr. Doof.

So here are some of the things that annoy me and other people I know *see dedication. 
1. "Legit"
     Guys? Why are you abbreviating this word? Legitimate is a fun word to say! Legit just makes you look like a douche canoe that can't speak. Also, you douche canoes that say "legit" could be forgiven if you said it in the right context. "dude that t-shirt is toats legit!" is not a proper sentence. Saying "I wish I was as smart as Shelden because then my social awkwardness would have a legit excuse." (thank you Mr. Collier's T.A.)  is a proper use of the slang "legit" get it right, or don't say it at all.

2. "Toats"
     As you may have noticed in the above statement I used the term "Toats" this is also annoying. I don't know why the extra two syllable of totally are so repulsive to you, but get over it. There is only one person who can get away with this and his name is Daniel Allanbach, and even he is pushing his limit. Here is why this is really annoying besides the pointless abbreviating: why is it plural? When is "totally" EVER pluralized? Unless you have created a mythical creature called a Totally or a Toat and you have multiple Totallys, don't do it. It makes you sound like an infidel.

3. "lol" and other text words.
     I can appreciate saying "lol" in the right context. When you are impersinating a valley girl, or a geek it is fine. Or when one is saying "lol" not "l.o.l.". (or if you are Toby Turner/Jenna Marbles). other than that don't say it, or any other text acronyms that don't need to be said. "BRB", not needed. Just walk away or say "Excuse me, I must go to the lavatory, but I will return presently!". "JAS". I've never heard anyone say it, but I'm sure someone has. Stop it. "WTF". say what the F*#$% or something else. I don't care about three letters. Honestly if you are too lazy to give me more than a few letters of effort I am wasting my time even breathing next to you.

4. "Prec"
     This is really only a pet peeve because a girl in my neighborhood said it over Girls Camp and I continually corrected her by finishing her word with "ious" precious! Not Prec. that looks like "P-r-e-k" not "p-r-e-sh". Maybe I'm the only one that spells it correctly though. Whatever. As I told my Kids, Gollum would be ashamed! What if he went around gargling "We wants it! We needs it! The presh." The moment seems incomplete and Gollum looses his creepiness. . . creepy/ "What the crap?" ness.

List of appropriate slang:
Douche Canoe
lol *not L.O.L.
Fuu
Bro
Broseph
Brostache
Bronie
Me Gusta
Groovy
Far Out
Douche Canoe
'sup
Yo
Holla atcha
Word G-man. (anything from She's the Man)
Douche Canoe

if you think of more and have the irresistable urge to use them, comment and I will let you know if they make the list. I will probably keep updating this list as I think of more.

This blog post is dedicated to my Carpool Kids aka My Favorite Asian and The Towhead. 

Next time I get to seduce the rich guy.

 So Spring Break is officially over *insert audience "awww" sound* and frankly it was a pretty dull week. In fact I don't even feel like relaying my entire week to you, because it would bore ME to death! Here is a brief summary: my best friend was in Paris the whole time, I paid 6 bucks to play laser tag for 15 minutes when I could have gone to Orem and gotten another 45 minutes of game time for 4 more dollars. I briefly went horse back riding before I broke out in a rash (yay allergies.) and drove home. I rediscovered the beauty of Netflix and the show Lie to Me. I don't care what anyone says that man is HOT! even if he is like 50. Then I wasted three hours watching some fractured version of Pride and Prejudice, only good part was the lesbian, and I worked.

Then I saw Mission Impossibly with my bff TJ (aka Emily's Boyfriend). It was the highlight of my week. That movie almost gave me a heart attack. Being mortally afraid of heights and watching that scene with Tom Cruise scaling the building like a gecko is not a good combination. Let me explain this scene to those of you who haven't seen it. Our hero Tom Cruise has to scale a building in Dubai with special gecko gloves (that's what I'm calling them). Well halfway up one of the gloves malfunctions, so he only uses one. Then, while trying to break the glass into the room he's trying to get into, he falls a few stories which made me almost wet myself. So then he breaks the glass, completes what he has to and then! he can't get back down so he uses some rope but it's not long enough. so what does he do? he JUMPS! and smacks his head on the window and almost plunges to his death. Thankfully Avenger guy and "hothothothothot" chick saved him. Needless to say I needed to change my pants after that scene. (not really. . . only a little).

Wow. . . world's most boring blog post! really the only reason I'm doing this is because my sunday school teacher (who is also my boss) said she'd bring us treats if we wrote in journals every day this week. Well I don't do journals so I did this. We'll see what happens the rest of the week! How exciting can I be?! Perhaps tomorrow I will write everyone a story about my epic adventures that I make up on the spot! It will be fun!

peace homies.

Mutant and Proud

I just feel like Blogging right now. Why? No one knows? Who cares, my blog my posts!
First to my Russian readers: I still wish you'd leave me comments, but I still love all of you who've viewed my blog 31 times. It makes my day brilliant.

Lets talk about my day today! Hour by Hour (but only the hours where something actually happened.)
5:30-5:50 AM: I woke up to go to absent school. I have to do this because last semester I sluffed Child Development one too many times. You would have too if you had been in that class. I looked something like this ----->
(Ally Brosh would be proud of me. that is a pretty good recreation of my rom)

6:00-6:15 AM: I was late for absent school and didn't get to make up my truency. I did however get to take the test I missed in my World Religion's class. I got a B! yay!!

7:00: Go outside where my car/friend are waiting for me supposedly. (I gave her my keys so she wouldn't have to wait for me to finish my test) I got the total "Dude Where' My Car?" moment. Turns out she had decided to drive home, in my car, without telling me. While I debated throttling her, she returned and we went to 7-11 for Dr. Pepper. my favorite thing.

11:00-12:00: I went to the library for English. The girls around me decided to spend their time talking about boys they've kissed. I always shy away from these conversations, cause well I'm V.L. I know, I'm like an 18 year old mutant! But I'm proud of it! So instead of trying to make conversation with the other kids in my class half of whom I hate, the other half whom I don't know, I just quietly listened and rolled my eyes to myself at the entertainment of average high school life. I felt a bit like the Crocodile Hunter before his run in with the sting ray. "Crikie! The'e's another mysterious teenage gurl, talkin' 'bout 'er life wit boys and other such fascinatin' things."

12:30 p.m. when I went to a Kindergarten classroom to learn to be a teacher (which I don't want to do, but I'll graduate so it works). Turns out one of the kids had dropped a small calender book. When no one claimed it the teacher (aka my mom) gave it to me to look at. It was an "Always" book. The back said something like "Go to this website for information and to connect with girls going through changes just like you!" Kindergartners. Needless to say, I laughed so hard I almost need some Always.

2:30 PM: I went to after school Absent school. I was lost and Daniel had to escort me to the room where I wold be silently tortured for an hour. It wasn't the silence that bothered me. It was the complete lack of people I knew that did. But I got all my Math done so yay!

3:30 PM: The true climax of my day.

I head butted my car. . .

Governments should be afraid of their people

So I'm 18 right? I'm getting ready to vote for the first time. I'm super excited. Only there's one problem. When it comes to politics/economics I'm the world's biggest retard. ask Cami or Nikki about what my face looks like when talking about capitalism in AP euro. It's something like this. (any one who knows who this is gets major points)

 I decided to take myself and my twitchy face to my father, who is very versed in politics, to learn a little more about what I should be voting for.

worst. mistake. EVER! I repeat: WORST DECISION EVER! 

If you ever have a question about politics, or have some vague thought that hey, maybe Marx had a good idea, don't tell my dad. you will end up in an hour and a half long discussion (and by discussion I mean Lecture) about why exactly you are wrong. you'll get yelled at about communism, and politics and eventually you'll try to casually turn back the tv show you were trying to watch, but he won't let you. You will witness my father's tyrannical rampage on anyone that disagrees with him on political views, because if you think differently than him, you are obviously an uneducated idiot.

This is exactly why I don't care about or understand politics. My brain has been trained like one of pavlov's dogs to associate politics with tirades that I can't stop no matter how much I ignore my father, or try to leave the room.

Solution: either try to find someone who can calmly explain politics to me, unbiased (yeah right) or move far away on a private island where politics don't exist. I think the latter seems like a more possibly solution.

so lessons of the day: I suck at politics. and My father is political monster ready to eat out any young liberal's heart for breakfast.