You Miserable Vomitus Mass

(How do you spell Vomitus? hmm... Wesley is making up words)

I'm going out of order and with big gaps in between but I don't really care. I just spent my whole day doing homework without more than a fifteen minute break at a time. Blogging is a great way to reward yourself for hard work. Plus, it doesn't make you fat!

So lets go!

Blogger challenge #2: phobias.

Alright, I'm afraid of a lot of things. Serial killers, large predators, pedophiles, my basement, the list can go on and on. But I have two phobias that I find are both irrational and very interesting.

Lets start with the more rational of the two.

I have Acrophobia. For those of you who don't know, that is the fear of heights. I hate heights. In all honesty it isn't as bad as it used to be seeing as how now I can jump off cliffs into lakes but it's still crazy. Whenever I drive in the canyon and get a little too close to a ledge I feel like I'm going to throw up. A horrid scene of the car rolling down into a dark ravine flashes into my head. There's usually a lot of blood involved.

After such horrific imaginings I have to distract myself. "hey look at that tree all the way up there at the top of the mountain! oh wow I love this song! maybe I should paint my nails. Squirrel assasins!" or something of the like.

This fear also leads to my fear of roller coasters. They're evil and frightening. Don't invite me to amusement parks, I'm a bore. I'll go on all the kiddie rides though!

In all honesty I just don't like things high up that I can't control. If I am rock climbing I know that I have my own strength to rely on keeping me up. It's not that great, but it's better than putting all my faith in a machine. If a Ferris wheel crashes I have no chance to survive. I will fall to my untimely doom just like everyone else! Squashed like a bug on the windshield of a sports car going down the free way. (too morbid?) Point is, give me a rock wall, I'll climb it. Put me on a roller coaster I'll probably freak out a little but suck it up. Put me on a Ferris wheel and I will pee myself and cry.

So that's heights. Ready for the next phobia? It is probably the weirdest thing you've ever heard of in your entire life! are you prepared?

I am terrified of. . . . Stop motion animation.

Yeah, I'm serious. Alright "terrified" is an exaggeration, but it freaks me out. When I'm sick I dream in stop-motion. Sometimes when I'm terrified I do too. It's freakin' creepy! I'm not talking like Wallace and Gromit - I love them! Cheese and crackers! - but like Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas or Corpse Bride. There's one scene in the movie The Fall that I can't watch because its stop-motion. (see that movie. It's lovely.) It's just scary. No one moves like that! It's awkward and creepy. It literally makes me sick to my stomach.

Nice thing about my fear is that I have a very good reason of why I'm afraid of it.

I present to you A Claymation Easter.

You: But Kate! It's just a cute little Easter bunny with glasses and and a mustache!

Me: Shut up! You don't call satanic cults that destroy small children's happiness cute! This movie is evil I tell you! E-V-I-L evil!

You: It can't be that bad.

Me: oh yes it can! Have you ever seen a pig dress up as the Easter bunny feed the Easter bunny to a shark kept inside a small barrel? I have! It is creepy and evil and ruined all my hope to ever enjoy a Tim Burton film!

You: You're exaggerating again.

Me: Yes! but that's normal! But I am still right. As a small impressionable child this movie was scarring. If you want to understand my pain I still own this demonic film. I have yet to decide the best way to punish it for it's horrifying content. Please take it away from me and watch it, you'll understand my pain. You probably won't fear claymation, but you aren't a small influential child. Still, you'll see why this fear is in fact rational!

Well friends, that is my blogger challenge on phobias. Hope you enjoyed it. I'm going to go cleanse my psyche with Big Bang Theory.

it. burns. us.

Dear philosophy class,
We got together because I believed you would make me feel smart. Perhaps even get me into college. I had the belief that we would be very happy together all our days! I was horribly mistaken.
What I believed was a sweet intelligent creature turned out to be a ravishing beast that demands human brains as sacrifice! Socrates fueled you in your attempts to destroy the Greeks with your hunger. Even still there are those who worship you and sacrifice the sanity of their students to your gluttony. You are despicable! You've even got Mr. Atwood praising you and shoving his students into your clutches. You are manipulative and cruel to all who attempt to defeat you! no one is neutral to your powers! either they will love you and praise you like an ancient God, or you will devour their sanity and spit them out as simply a shell of what they used to be.
It is for this reason that I have concluded we may no longer be in the relationship previously desired and striven for. I have decided that we must now become mortal enemies and I must defeat you. Not with a sword and fiery passion! but with Apathy. I will survive this class! I will pass this class! and I will leave it unscathed by your wrath!
Sincerely,
Your new found nemesis
Kate

This is the philosophy monster. Hideous isn't it?

This is me. Bravely going to conquer it. I know I'm a true hero aren't I?

Stop inflicting your opinions on the world

This is what Sherlock says about blogging. I must say I agree with him. But I don't really keep a journal and need someway of getting my thoughts down and not on facebook I will continue to inflict all you readers with my opinions. Even though I'm almost certain no one follows my blog religiously or even periodically. But that's really ok because I don't really care if you read this. It's not for you, it's for me. suck it.

But since I'm a curious person by nature I wanted to see whom my audience consisted off. This is what I found:

385 views in America. Yay

Russia has viewed me 7 times. probably trying to see if I'm a threat to their plot to destroy the country. I really don't think I am but who knows maybe they have a time machine that says I will become an American Dictator. That'd be sweet.

Germany has seen this blog 5 times. I assume drunk blogging lead to this.

3 people in Malaysia have looked at my rantings... is it just really boring over there?

2 views from Indonesia and the Netherlands. I hope to become famous in the Netherlands someday. They are historically known to kick ass! William of Orange is great.

Switzerland, Denmark and some place called Moldova have all viewed me once. Does Moldova sound like a country from a Disney film to anyone else? I think they're making this country up. It isn't real!!!!

Well... There you go. I have once again inflicted my opinion on you all, including you fake people from Moldova. you'd better enjoy it!

p.s. While I'm being famous in the Netherlands I'm also going to be like Sherlock Holmes. Socially awkward and totally bad A! ... hmm...maybe I already am.

quiet, calm, peaceful. Isn't it hateful?

Yet another reason Spencer The Don Donaldson is the greatest person I know.

This is the exact conversation we had on facebook today:

Kate: I think we need to hang out. That's all

Spencer: I think we do too. Are you going to watch LOTR with us?

Kate: What? Dude it's at MY house.

S: OOH! well in that case uhhhh nevermind.

K: So i'm pretty sure I'll be there. It's gonna rock

S: I'm stoked. Might even dress up. Maybe possibly. Probably

K: PLEASE! i'll walk around on my knees and have PTSD like Frodo.

S: PTSD?

K: Post traumatic stress disorder

S: hahahahahha that's a good one

K: yeah. Well its easier than saying "The deathly obsession caused by the demonic one ring to rule them all" or DOCCBTDORTRTA

S: hahahahaha Oh man your funny. Not much can get me to actually laugh out loud that's why i never use lol but dang LOL

K: wow. I'm pretty proud of that fact. I will put it in my diary. "I made Spencer LOL today. I'm awesome."

S: hahaha do it! then twenty years from now you can read it and telepathically tell me (cause the internet will be prehistoric by then) about that time you made me LOL and I will LOL again.

K: OMG it'll be totally great.

I love this man. And now you can see why. As if his sweet car and great hair weren't enough, he's just friggin' hilarious.

p.s. I recommend everyone watch the BBC series Sherlock. It's awesome! that is all.

carpe diem

How to Cease the Day:

1. Ace a test!

2. Don't be sick. :)

3. Wear a Godfather t-shirt!

4. Learn how to be pregnant. (Sadly I don't have a picture for this. Lets just say Child Development is a really interesting class)

5. Epic epiphany in the Parker's parking lot!

6. Watch tragic films with hot men.

7. rock out to Queen (and lady ga ga a little bit) while blowing up balloons and baking.

8. fill your shirt with Balloons for breast implants. especially if you're a male.meet Kent he's special. we love him. sometimes.

over all day=ceased!

We're all going to die.

Blogger Challenge day 1:

This is actually the last thing on the list, but since I had nightmares about this very subject this is where I will begin.

The Zombie Apocalypse and my plan for it:

Zombies Vs. Unicorns is a great way to be inspired for this event. (I love this photo!)

(Zombies totally win! No questions asked!)

In the case that you are undead for the zombie plague here are my guidelines: In all Honesty when the zombie plague ravishes the globe (and it will!) I hope to be one of the infected. I want to hunt people down groaning obnoxiously, oozing my brain juice through my ears, and making people of all shapes and sizes crap themselves cause I'm so scary. Doesn't that sound more fun than being chased by the zombies? I think it does.

Step 1: Cheer a little. You get to be a zombie! That's awesome! Just enjoy the moment.

Step 2: Practice your moan. You can't be a good zombie without a zombie moan! and it has to be unique. Other wise the frightened villagers won't be able to tell you apart from the other zombies and you will just be part of the pack. You want to be distinguished as an individual zombie who could, single-handily, send the world into a raving panic. "Brains" is always a good way to start out.

Step 3: If you do not have a loose or missing limb/body part, lose one. It adds to the effect.

Step 4: Find a village to infect and/or terrorize.

Step 5: limp slowly to the village using your signature moan as a prelude to your terror! use a hilltop if you can so they can see you coming and begin their inevitable panic.

Step 6: Proceed to eat the weak and elderly. They won't be very good zombies anyway and you don't want to starve.

Step 7: Leave your zombie infection everywhere you can. Since the plague has not yet taken over I am unaware of how it will spread. You can figure it out and share it with your victims accordingly.

Step 8: avoid the zombie hunters. They are bad ju-ju! Maybe pillage a bullet proof vest/SWAT gear. (a note: please bury me in SWAT gear so I will be prepared for the zombie hunters.)

Step 9: Be awesome! You're a friggin' Zombie! It's not hard.

<------This is my zombie face:

Sadly we won't all be able to become the awesome Zombies. In the case that you are a zombie's preferred dinner, make sure you have each of the following items:

1. Get a gun! This is your number one defense, no matter what.

2. Chain Saw. You can't expect to kick Zombie trash without your chainsaw. Come on.

3. Twinkies. I haven't actually seen Zombieland, but I've heard they're pretty important.

4. You're going to need a fortress. Like an old Pot farm, or abandoned sky scraper. Something easily defended against the infected population.

5. Find a doctor/scientist. If you have one they'll probably find a cure to the Zombie disease while you're out kicking ass.

6. a very attractive member of the opposite sex. If your doctor/scientest dies (or if you shamefully skipped step 5) you're going to need someone to repopulate the earth with. Maybe multiple because odds are some people are gonna die. So get a bunch of your most sexually active friends and start reproducing!

7. LOTS of extra ammo. You're probably out numbered by the zombies so you'll need a lot. don't be above robbing a redneck gun shop. I'm sure they'll understand. Unless they're zombies. Then they'll eat you.

8. Balls and/or nerves of steel. If one of your friends gets infected you're gonna have to get the balls to shoot them in the face so they don't start trying to eat you. I suggest you start growing a pair now before its too late and you chicken out. This could ultimately lead to the destruction of your beginning civilization and we don't want that do we?

9. Get out there and totally own the zombies! (even though secretly they're cooler than you.) Hopefully by the time you're bitten and awaiting your tragic death you'll either have plenty of kids to keep the earth populated, or your scientist friend will have found a cure and you can be saved! So go out there and be AWESOME!

9 3/4. (Emily this is just for you.) Pringles. ;) I'll leave it at that.

I hope you enjoyed my plan for the zombie apocalypse. I hope to see you all there. I'll be the awesome zombie in the front moaning "brains" and cackling manically at my own awesomeness.

Live long and undead! (I should sign all my emails with that.)

challenge accepted

to Emily and my blog followers (all six of you!) I have accepted the blogging challenge heretofore (that seemed like a good word to put a link in) set down by Emily Marie Fiona Juchau.

Starting tomorrow, probably, I will begin said challenge! watch out! your world is about to be rocked!